Sextortion on Dating Apps: How to Protect Yourself

Sextortion is one of the fastest-growing scams on dating apps and social media, and it affects men and women of every age. It works by getting intimate photos or videos from someone and then threatening to share them unless they pay. It's frightening, it's designed to make you panic, and it's important to know that you are not alone and there is a way through it.

How it usually starts

Sextortion rarely feels like a scam at the start. The pattern is usually:

1. A match or message from an attractive stranger. Often very flirty, very quickly.
2. A quick move to another app — WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram, Snapchat — away from the dating app's safety tools.
3. Escalation. The conversation turns sexual fast. They may send an explicit photo first, which is almost always stolen, to make you feel it's a fair exchange.
4. A request for photos or a video call where they encourage you to undress. On video calls, the "other person" is often a pre-recorded clip.
5. The threat. Suddenly the tone changes. They send a screenshot of your contacts, friends list or family, and demand money — or they'll send your images to everyone.

The whole thing can happen in under an hour.

Warning signs in the first chats

• The profile is very new, or has very few photos, all highly polished.
• They push to move off the dating app almost immediately.
• They steer every conversation towards sex, however you redirect it.
• They avoid a normal video call but are keen on a "private" one.
• They ask which social media you use, or who your friends and family are.

Any one of these can be innocent. Several together should make you pause.

Simple ways to protect yourself

• Don't share intimate images with someone you haven't met and built trust with in person. Once sent, you've lost control of them.
• Stay on the dating app until you know someone. The app's report and block tools only work there.
• Keep your social media private and avoid linking it to your dating profile.
• Be wary of "private" video calls with people you've just matched with.
• Keep your contacts and friends lists hidden where the platform allows it.

If it's happening to you right now

This is the most important part. If someone is threatening you:

Don't pay. Paying almost never ends it. Once they know you'll pay, the demands usually come back, and bigger. Many scammers move on quickly when they realise they won't get money.

Stop responding. Don't argue, plead or negotiate. Every reply tells them you're scared and engaged.

Don't delete everything yet. Take screenshots of the messages, their profile, usernames, phone numbers and any payment details they sent. This is evidence.

Report and block them — on the dating app, and on every other app they contacted you through. On Baejá, use Report on their profile or chat; our moderators review every report.

Tell someone you trust. This feels like the hardest step, and it's the one that takes most of the power away from the scammer. Their whole threat depends on your shame and isolation.

Report it to the police. Sextortion is a crime under Nigeria's cybercrime laws. The Nigeria Police Force has a cybercrime unit, and you can report at your local station. Bring your screenshots.

Ask platforms to remove content. If anything is posted, report it on that platform. Most major platforms remove non-consensual intimate images quickly when reported.

It is not your fault

People who are targeted often feel embarrassed and blame themselves. But sextortion is carried out by organised groups who do this all day, with scripts designed to exploit normal feelings of attraction and trust. Being targeted doesn't make you foolish. The person committing a crime is the one in the wrong.

Dating where the risk is lower

Sextortion depends on anonymity: fake faces, fake names, and accounts that can disappear. It is far harder to run on a platform where members verify their identity. On Baejá, members can earn a Gold Seal by verifying with their NIN and a live selfie, and every profile leads with a real voice note — so the person you're talking to is much more likely to be who they say.

For more on staying safe while dating online, read our online dating safety tips and how to avoid dating scams in Nigeria. And when you're ready, join Baejá — dating built around trust.