35 Good Questions to Ask on a First Date

A first date lives or dies on the questions, not the venue. Ask the wrong ones and it feels like an interview; ask the right ones and two hours disappear without either of you noticing. Here are thirty-five that actually open people up, grouped by what they're good for.

Light icebreakers to start with

Start here — these are easy to answer, low-stakes, and give the conversation somewhere natural to go without either of you feeling put on the spot.

1. What's the story behind your voice note — did it take you ten tries or one?
2. What's a small thing that made you smile this week?
3. What's your go-to order when you're not sure what to get?
4. If you had a free Saturday with no plans, what would you actually do with it?
5. What's a place in this city you always recommend to people?
6. What's something you're weirdly good at that has nothing to do with your job?
7. What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

Questions that reveal values

Once the ice is broken, these tell you more about who someone actually is without feeling heavy or like you're auditioning them.

1. What does a genuinely good weekend look like to you?
2. Who's someone in your life you admire, and what is it about them?
3. What's something you believe now that you didn't believe five years ago?
4. How involved is family in your day-to-day decisions?
5. What's a value you wouldn't compromise on in a relationship?
6. How do you usually handle disagreements — do you talk it out right away or need space first?
7. What's something you're currently trying to get better at?

Life goals and direction

These help you understand where someone's headed, not just where they are now, which matters more than it feels like it should on a first date.

1. Where do you see yourself building your life in the next few years — same city, different one?
2. What does your ideal work-life balance actually look like, not just in theory?
3. Is there something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
4. How important is it to you that a partner shares your faith or background?
5. What's a goal you're working toward right now, big or small?
6. Do you want kids eventually, and how firm is that for you?

Getting clear on intentions

Don't be afraid of these — a good match won't be scared off by directness, and knowing early saves everyone time. See our piece on how to move from chatting to meeting in person for more on reading intentions before you even get to the date itself.

1. What made you decide to try dating apps again — or for the first time?
2. What are you actually looking for right now — something serious, something casual, or still figuring it out?
3. What's your view on how quickly a relationship should move?
4. Have you dated much in the last year, or has this been a break?
5. What's non-negotiable for you when it comes to how a partner treats you?

Fun and hypothetical questions

These lighten the mood and often reveal personality faster than the serious ones, especially if the conversation has been getting a little heavy.

1. If you could instantly master one skill, what would it be?
2. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
3. Aside from Lagos or Abuja, if you could live anywhere for a year, where would you pick?
4. What's a food you refuse to eat, no matter how it's prepared?
5. If your friends had to describe you in three words, what would they say?
6. What's a song that instantly puts you in a good mood?
7. Would you rather travel somewhere new every year or have one favourite place you return to?
8. What's the last show or film you couldn't stop thinking about?
9. If you woke up with a free flight ticket tomorrow, where would you go?
10. What's something on your bucket list you haven't told many people about?

How to actually use these

The questions matter less than what you do after the answer. Follow up — if someone mentions their sister moved to Canada, ask how that's been for the family, don't just move to your next scripted question. Listening well, and letting the conversation wander off-script, is what makes a date feel real instead of rehearsed. Watch for the answers that surprise you; those are usually worth a second and third question, even if it means abandoning your mental list entirely.

It also helps to notice what someone doesn't say. If every answer stays surface-level and vague, that's information too — not necessarily a red flag, but a sign to slow down and see if it opens up as the date goes on. If you're still building rapport before you even get to a date, our guide on how to start a conversation on a dating app covers the messaging stage that leads up to this moment.

On Baejá, you already get a head start — every match comes with a voice note, so you're not starting from zero on a first date. You've heard something real about them before you've even sat down, which makes these questions feel less like small talk and more like picking up a conversation that's already begun. Create your profile and see who you match with next.